I’m definitely not making it a secret. I love my own company, I’m more than happy to hang out by myself. I asked you what post you’d like to see next as part of my coming back to the routine of blogging… and just over half of you wanted a post on “why I’m single”… which was fine whilst the poll was running, but it’s a much more complicated answer than a simple blog post.
I like to keep my life simple. From my own experience, relationships and people are not simple. People have wants and needs. And that doesn’t always line up with meeting our own needs.
I’m going to try my best to not make this a gossip post, but just share my own struggles with you guys. I’m definitely not against relationships, I have friends who have met the most wonderful people and that’s great. I’m not into relationships for the sake of it.
Keeping to Myself
Over the past year or so, I’ve been putting myself back in touch with my own goals. I lost sight of what I really wanted, my own values and who I was. I wasn’t working towards building the tiny house I always wanted, I was working towards living someone else’s lifestyle dreams. Which weren’t in line with mine. I had forgotten what I wanted in life.
And so I set myself a mission to get back in touch with myself, to find who I was again. As much as it seems like such a millennial thing to do, it’s really worked. I kept to myself for a while, and rather than focusing on the needs of others, I worked on my own goals and needs.
So I got to the point where I can now say that I’ve refound myself. I’m either doing or working towards all of my goals. And it genuinely feels great. I’ve taken some time off because I had some huge lifestyle adjustments to make over the past month or so, and now everything has settled to a point where I can come back to writing again. But I’ve learned the importance of fluidity, be water and all… if something changes, then we need to adapt.
So it’s all very well and good saying I am working towards my goals but if I’m not clear to myself what these goals are… then what’s the point? That’s like looking at an Instagram post and saying GOOOOOALLLS. What is goals? What is it about that photo that is causing you to have that reaction? It’s a case of narrowing it down and holding yourself to it. I decided to take the time to be selfish for a change. I wanted to spend some time doing what I wanted, focusing on my own growth. Society really frowns against selfishness, but we also live in a society where everyone fends for themselves. If I don’t look after my own health and growth, who will? No one. And so I decided to make some serious progression.
1. Living Simply
This really is my most important goal. I want to declutter, minimise. I want to live my life simply. I want to have the things I love around me, the things I love to look at and use. And that’s all. If I don’t like an item, I want to be able to detach myself from possessions, feeling like I need things.
It’s a little bit of a silly example, but I never bought cling film at university. For 4 years I never bought cling film. Did I miss it? Never. I managed through 4 years without ever feeling like I needed it. I have silicone covers if I just wanted to cover a bowl – seriously one of the best inventions ever (you can check similar ones out on Amazon) – or I popped it in a tin. Never a need for cling film. My sandwiches just went into my lunch box, they didn’t need cling film.
2. Living Tiny
I really wanted to live tiny. I love tiny houses. As I’ve said in previous blog posts, (Living Tiny anyone?) I would really love to live in a tiny house one day. Preferably one I’ve designed myself as I love creating things. To be perfectly honest, this is where it comes back to being on my own. I let go of my tiny house dream to let another person have their lifestyle dream, I lived someone else’s dream. And now I’m standing my ground. My tiny house dream is super important to me, it’s sustainable, it’s achievable. With the housing market in the mess it is, it’s a way for me to own my own home… to buy my own home, without it needing to be a tiny studio flat surrounded by other people. I love being surrounded by only what I need, interior space isn’t that important when you’re a single petite person. I’ve never worried about headroom, I don’t need to worry about headroom for anyone else. My tiny house can be my space.
3. Living Healthy
Health is such a big thing for me. Having not been in a healthy space for such a long time, being healthy is so essential to me right now. I’ve lost count of how many times I sacrificed my health to fit something else in, I used to work day and night every day. I would regularly miss out on meals and sleep because I was “too busy”. If you’re too busy to fit in the essentials, then something needs to go. I found having a second person in my life to worry about was too much for me right now, and I needed to just focus on myself for my own health. Rather than have someone who just adds stress to my life.
This is a super hard post to write for you guys, because there’s so much I can’t just put into words. But it all boils down to independence. I love my independence. I love just hanging out on my own. I love just having to worry about myself, having the freedom to do what I want. Having the freedom to choose.
And I’m going to keep it that way for as long as I can.